Day 356

Woke up with an iron purpose. Put makeup on, went into town. As soon as I spotted anyone at the luggage counter I marched up to it and said I'd heard there was a sales position going there, was that still true? The bloke agreed it was, gave me an application form and a counter to fill it in on. He must've mistaken me for a person of consequence!

Computed in the afternoon, more Mah Jongg than assembler, I regret to report.

M came round at about 4.30, talked on the doorstep. Haven't seen much of each other recently, wonder why? I must admit it was really fear of her bad opinion that made me go for the job. I estimate my chance of getting it as quite low, but higher than if I hadn't applied. Yet another unbearable hope.

Day 355

More assembler. M rang up about 5pm with less than encouraging job information. Is it really worth while getting all dressed up just to collect an application form? Of course they're not to know that isn't how I normally dress.

Day 354

Walked into town with Carl.

A86 arrived - seemingly very good, certainly better than using DEBUG.

Bit of a slide at the moment. What are my ambitions? I can push and push at issues like that but there's no response. Odd.

Day 353

Perhaps this luggage job will work out.

A86 may arrive tomorrow. With a proper assembler I could do wonderful things - solid BinAsc / AscBin routines for one.

Day 352

A bit of programming. On Monday I may be offered intolerable hope in the form of info about that job from M.

In the afternoon walked into town to the library. Took further looks ahead in the Pris book.

Day 351

As Carl is coming back from uni tomorrow, went round to my parents' and moved my computer and associated stuff out of his room and back here.

Massive pro-Nazi anti-Serb bias seen in the news, as usual. Quite clearly the conflict in what still is as far as I'm concerned Yugoslavia was exascerbated by Germany bouncing the EEC into recognising Croatia. Considering Croatia was a Nazi puppet state during the war and the Croat Ustashe and Muslims enthusiastically slaughtered Serbs then, you can hardly not see dismal parallels. In some way the Serbs are entitled to restitution. But 'at some specified time the murders must stop.'

A sentiment that seems to be popularly felt Ireland-wise: the kid killed in Warrington last week was buried today, loads of flowers outside the British Embassy in Dublin. What with those 5 blokes killed in Ulster yesterday everyone seems to have terrorism on their mind. But how even an approximation to the just solution is to be brought about in Northern Ireland is hard to see.

J rang up after tea: having a cold I wasn't keen to go out. She wasn't too apprehensive about the 150 planned redundancies where she works.

Day 350

Computed and cleaned in the morning. In the afternoon went round to M's to to take back her cover discs. She mentioned an (unadvertised) job at Debenhams selling luggage. She outlined at great length the qualities required, or rather, how far short I fell of them. I asked her to find out whether they wanted someone with experience.

Day 349

Went into town, then as fast as I could back to the post office to cash my giro and post C's dissertation. I was under the impression it closed at noon - as it happened I was wrong but as I had to wait about 200 years I was just in time for the collection anyway.

40 pages, C paid me £20 to type it. It would've cost him £40 at least to do it professionally. If I spend £8.22 inc VAT on A86 I'll have plenty of dosh left - and won't need to spend the Giro money yet.

2000 people turn out in Dublin to protest against the IRA, Warrington etc. Heartening.

Day 348

In the evening watched The Bill and Harry Enfield. Nice weather. Can't think of anything else to say about today.

Day 347

Grey rain in the morning, sun in the afternoon. Rode into town to sign on. Worked on First Publisher in the afternoon, discovered unforeseen good bits.

That drunken tosser Yeltsin has seized control of the media. The Romans gave up a republic to a dictator in order to save it: and of course they never got it back. They had 400 years of Emperors and then were conquered.

Day 346

In the afternoon back to my parents', cleaned the top shelf in the front room and everything on it, fitted a new shelf in the cupboard under the stairs.

I've had a serious decline since December and the language library, which just followed up the October paranoia. Things have not been going well in the last 6 months, or in the last 20 months come to that. I've lost almost all sense of direction, and if it wasn't for M I'd be nowhere. She could be off in 6 months. I imagine that I have got to do something soon. But what? What can I do? Something positive eh.

Day 345

To Lakeside with M. In the evening to my parents', played backgammon vs. my mother.

I see Yeltsin has effectively declared dictatorship in Russia. Hopefully he will be brought down. Why Clinton is supporting him I don't know.

Bombs in Warrington again. What is there there that the IRA reckon is so important?

There seems to be a lot of anti-Government sentiment about now. Mind you, in 1989 they were miles behind in the polls, then again they only got themselves out of that by ditching T*****r. Even the tabloids seem to be against the Tory bastards now. Is this the turn of the tide? Once again, who knows.

Day 344

Did a spot of computing. M came round in the afternoon; we went into town and then back to hers, while she fitted an energy-efficient light bulb.

Out in the evening with M and J; met Stacey H and Gemma from primary school. SH is on £25,000 pa! 14 times what I've got, who'd believe it? Despite the opportunity to redistribute wealth I declined a drink from Gemma, to general surprise. Had a good time.

Back at 11.10, ran Skyglobe to make sense of the stars I'd seen earlier, did a bit more of investigation into command-line compilers, ERRORLEVEL's and syntax checks with C and Fortran.

Day 343

Haven't had a decent night's sleep for a while. Round to my parents' again, did a lot of cleaning up in the kitchen.

Day 342

Stayed at my parents' last night so I could help with the big clean-up today. Washed many things, including jars of spices. M came round in the afternoon with chocs for my parents, a nice thought. Also gasman, loss adjuster, local paper bloke, electrician and plumber.

The fire has done wonders for my paranoia by giving me something real to think about.

Government in All Sorts of Trouble over the budget and pay deals.

Day 341

Was at my parents' typing up my brother's dissertation when a fire broke out in the kitchen. The cooker hood caught fire and, being plastic, burnt like fuck and gave off thick black smoke. Me and my mother could not control the fire so I rang the fire brigade. I was calm, as I reckoned the fire had gone out already.

The woman next door came home. 'Have you had a fire?' she said. I looked around at the two fire-engines parked outside and the smoke-blackened net curtains. 'Yes,' I said.

But all the neighbours were very helpful and kind, it restored my faith in human nature. I feel a lot better now, having competently dealt with a real crisis rather than apprehended a hundred imaginary ones. I'm not so useless after all!

The fire put the Budget in the shade (nothing that really affects me). The whole thing was quite exciting, and a true Adventure. Nancy and Bilbo, I hope, will continue to be proud of me.

Day 340

Had a brainwave regarding extended batch language: parameter %0 is the path and name of the batch file. EBFD %0.bat gives EBFD the name of the file and lets it read the extended commands out of it. The beauty of the scheme is that the user need only type BATCHIT rather than EBFD COMMFILE.CMF, say, because it is to all intents and purposes a normal batch file.

M rang about 6.30, wanting to know if I could find £40 to go on a boating holiday her brother was arranging. I would've loved to've gone but £40 is 119% of a week's money - £60 to M, £205 to J, £1400 to the Prime Minister. Seems rather unfair since we'd all get the same holiday. Anyway, I had to decline

Evening dragged rather: been doing a lot of computing recently.

Day 339

Worked on the visual version of Chase The Lady, using my CHTABLE routine which prints out characters 8x size by looking up the EGA character table.

Beautiful Spring night with clear stars and that indefinable smell you get in Spring and Summer.

Day 338

Did a lot of programming again. Sorted out the prob with Chase The Lady - remind me to use array range bounds checking in future.

Listened to Neil Kinnock interview, what a tragedy. He said how much the many letters of commiseration had helped. I am proud to recall that I wrote one of those letters. And, as I said then, Neil Kinnock's name will always be remembered as one who kept up the fight during the dark years of Thatcherism. Perhaps he will be vindicated sooner than we think, as the selfishness, greed and callousness the Tories encouraged begin to catch up with them. Don't tell me there's nothing coming...

Day 337

More trouble in Russia, that drunken capitalist fanatic tosser Yeltsin storming out of parliament like Charles I. No wonder Russia's going down the tubes. In 1989 Alexi Sayle was complaining that the USSR would be turned into a 'cheap tatty version of the West': I was angry with his cynicism. Now I know he was right. (He still wasn't one of the Young Ones though).

Did a lot of programming. I see Lloyd's insurance are in trouble again, the 'Names' complaining about malpractice etc. They should learn to take the consequences of gambling.

Day 336

Computed constantly, seething with ideas from the shareware catalogue. Throughout the day worked on programming the computer to play Chase The Lady, with some success

Weather lovely again, beautiful warm spring night too with clear stars.

Day 335

A Giro arrived: went to Sainsbury's. Having lots of cash bought PCW to catch up on the latest developments - free shareware catalogue with an assembler and Mah-Jongg prog I'd like to be able to afford. It's given me loads of good ideas.

Day 334

Walked into town with M at 2.30 to buy a coat. After going to C&A, M&S, BHS, Debenhams, Next, the Co-op, Mister Byrite, Millets and C&A again I finally found one I liked. Discussed Maastricht.

Day 333

Walked into town for net curtains, then signed on, accepted a copy of the MUE (Mugsborough Un-Employed) newsletter outside the DHSS.

Realised that as I signed on today I should get paid on Wednesday. Complicated stuff these benefits.

Government defeated in symbolic Maastricht vote. Let's hope we get the Social Chapter. Dodgy news from Germany, far right gains in Frankfurt local elections. Round up all one-bollocked unemployed painters with toothbrush moustaches.

Day 332

Up at 10.30 feeling queasy after last night's excesses. Went for a walk, was cheered by fresh air. Read the paper and the Martin Bormann book I got from the library yesterday.

In the afternoon reorganised my bookshelves.

Day 331

Soup for dinner, went into town. Finding I'd forgotten my library ticket, went home for it. Programming and darts in the afternoon, Chinese take-away blowout at my parents' for tea.

In the evening lager and The Tombs of Atuan. I have been unemployed now for 20 months.

Day 330

In the afternoon it was announced Nicholas Ridley is dead, since he died of lung cancer I won't say 'good thing too' but will confine myself to this comment: John Buffoon Major said he was unique, I say, at least there aren't any more like him.

The Obscurer was full of anti-Serbian propaganda today. And I see John Patten wants more 'Christian morals' in education, well, he can start by stopping handing schools over to second-hand car dealers.

J rang up to ask if I was coming out, but I couldn't afford it.

Day 329

Up at 10.45, did some more programming. M came round about 4.30, talked about programming. She tried to persuade me to come out tonight with her and J, and as I was under the impression I had a fiver somewhere I was tempted to go, but when I discovered I hadn't, I decided against it.

Re-reading What Katy Did . No Pris tonight due to snooker, again.

Day 328

Went round to mum's and borrowed £25 for this no-Giro week.

I see the prime minister of Poland is complaining about Western Europe 'blocking competition'. We should say 'If you're mad enough to implement the hypocritical, greed-crazed, divisive, fanatical, rotten thieving Thatcherite policies that've destroyed this country, don't expect us to bail you out when it inevitably fails.'

Day 327

Minder has made a real recovery after Terry's departure.

I see there's some kind of siege of a religious cult still going on since yesterday in Texas. Well, if they will have guns over there... We must prevent guns coming in from Eastern Europe via the EEC. If capitalism gets going out there it'll be a disaster.

Day 326

Went to Haysend, sorted a few dBase probs.

In the afternoon to the mental health place, had an assessment with a psychiatrist. When asked to describe myself this afternoon I could only think of a strong black sense of humour. Eventually she said she'd try and refer me on to behavioural therapy. She was quite nice.

They buried that kid in Liverpool today. It seems to've made everyone think the country is going down the tubes - I of course have known this for years. There was a particularly triffic cartoon in the Guardian - John Bull slumped in a dilapidated room, surrounded by beer cans, a Jobcentre queue outside the window and staring forlornly at a photo of him and Britannia happy in 1953. Struck a chord.