Day 509

Spent the day going through 1987-88 diaries. Never realised what laughs we had in Politics lessons, and down the King William at weekends. Those were the days.

Day 508

Bank Holiday today - lost an imaginary £35 at the races.

Opened Prof F's letter in the afternoon, it was quite witty and even helpful. Hitch-hiker on R4 now - but what with hearing this radio series umpteen times already, plus the telly series, book and book of scripts I don't think I need to listen to it again.

Day 507

Bank Holiday tomorrow, May Day Bank Holiday in fact, so at least I haven't got to sign on. (I hope).

Day 506

Paranoia almost certainly much abated recently.

Day 505

Still got a strong impression that 1993-94 is the year when I'll have to sort something out. Still don't know what.

As far as I know M's still away - I notice J never bothers to ring up at weekends now.

Day 504

Cold better - coagulation. Up at about 8 am, passed a long morning typing in a program from an old Your Computer.

A letter came from Prof. F this morning, I haven't had the courage to open it yet in case it's a piss-off letter like I'm used to getting these days. I tell you, while the great abstinence (73 days) has improved a lot of things, it's brought out a load of things drink let me ignore.

I reckon I've got another 12 months at most before things get intolerable. But what can I do? I'm back where I started 5 years ago but this time there isn't a way (like uni was) to avoid taking tough actions. But what should I do? I tell you one thing, things are bloody hard to get, even when they seem to come easily. Or rather they're near-impossible to hold onto: happiness, carousing, money, academic success - I've had all those things in the last five years and lost them all.

Easy come, easy go? Could be. It seems to be the things that are hardest to get are the easiest to hold onto, in a way. Ah well.

Day 503

Bad dripping cold. Cashed my Giro.

Day 502

Got PCW, now with nearly 600 pages and a free guitar chord display prog on disc.

Went out to take in the washing, as it was quite cold and getting dark I was struck with an intimation of Autumn like five years ago.

Day 501

Paid off the last of the money I borrowed for the hard disc with the abstinence cash from the building society. Completed 10 weeks today, by far the longest since the end of 1986.

Day 500

Experimented with FORTH. Listened to Annie Nightingale again for the first time in ages - she always plays something I like. Brought back memories of when she played my request (early 1988 was it?).

Day 499

Got a FORTH book from the library. When I got back, discovered it had a disc in the back, and that turned out to have a complete PC version of FORTH on it! Immediately copied it, great stuff. What a stroke of luck, eh?

Halfway through the great abstinence (68 days). I'm sure the second half'll go faster. Going to need a new diary book in 3 weeks or so.

Day 498

Worked on FORTH (CREATE and ALLOT).

Think paranoia may be abating, certainly yields to examination more than it used to. Saturday tomorrow: don't enjoy it as much as I used to, whether I expect to go out or not. Wish I could find some way to advance things, been unemployed 25½ months now. This situation isn't going anywhere. When was the last time something really good happened to change everything? Meeting J I think, April 16th 1989.

Day 497

Went round to my parents' and helped dad with re-roofing the shed. Hot, calm day again.

Later in the afternoon and in the evening worked on FORTH, getting the interpreter fully working with double and single, negative and positive numbers. I seem to be storing double numbers 'upside-down' on the stack but that's no problem as long as I'm consistent.

66 days GA done - 10 weeks to go. Is paranoia abating?

Day 496

More FORTH - trouble with number conversion.

Wonder why going out on Monday made me so pissed off? I get so bored sitting in pubs nowadays. We kept going out to try and recreate the triffic nights out we'd had, and the only way to liven things up was to get really drunk. Probably where the problem started. The trouble trying to make life more interesting has caused!

So what can I do about it? Perhaps the problem'll be solved when everyone except J disappears next month. Who knows?

Day 495

Is paranoia just another attempt to make life more exciting?

Day 494

Worked on FORTH. M came round in the afternoon, in the evening we went out to the Green Man with her and J and S. It was all right I suppose but I was annoyed to hear about what a good time they had on Friday (no-one bothered to tell me that was happening).

Day 493

Carried FORTH onwards all day, got CPACK, CMOVE and WORD working.

Listened to The Resident Patient. Last of the series, unfortunately - what a good time to put it on, Sunday evening.

Day 492

Taped that last Masterson Inheritance I've been waiting for. Taping the Elven Bangle ep of Young Postmen now (11.38 pm).

Day 491

Got up and got straight to work on FORTH. By the evening had CONVERT fully working. BASE is still m/c rather than FORTH, but that can come later. Have now got 45 words working. Got further with the whole project this time than any of the others (BBC Micro, Amstrad DEBUG v1 & v2, Pascal FORTH and latest C FORTH - not to mention BASIC2 and QBASIC stack machines)

Day 490

Tidied up the # words. Went to Asda in the afternoon for a cheap cork notice board I fancied. Walked down the drinks aisle to test myself.

Day 489

Cashed my Giro, went into town. Put £20 in the building society. Made FORTH advances, programmed <#, #, #> and #S.

Day 488

During Quantum Leap M came round, talked till 10.30 over it and French & Saunders.

Giro tomorrow: today sent off enquiry about software NVQ. Doubt if it'll get anywhere but have got to do something, eh?

Day 487

Up at 7.15 to work on FORTH. Big developments, all very promising. Went into town with my brother to sign on, got a couple of FORTH books from the library.

In the evening watched KY-TV - why didn't they stick with Radio Active?

Eight weeks' abstinence completed today. Quite an achievement. While paranoia has abated considerably it still strikes after sunset, but less often. 'In the morning she was superb'.

But what about unemployment? If only some action could avail. Wish there could be some career developments.

Day 486

Experimented with FORTH, made a big leap.

Got to sign on tomorrow - perhaps there'll be something useful on the boards, eh?

Day 485

Listened to The Masterson Inheritance. Went into town to the library, got a couple of FORTH books and one on music synthesis. Charity Shield this afternoon - gets earlier and earlier eh?

Young Postmen on now.

Day 484

Gave M a ring but she'd gone to Winchester. Not sure if I wanted to go out anyway, OK we have some good laughs but nothing ever happens.

Day 483

Into town to the library, got a good FORTH book. In the afternoon programmed, chucked Reverse Polish ideas around.

Made more sound card advances, disassembled parts of the SBFMDRV.COM driver.

Day 482

Parents have gone for a week in France, so I'm staying at their house to keep an eye on it.

Thought about going back to the Workshop (nearly 6 months have elapsed) but with all the hassle it wasn't worth it really, was it? Only 4 weeks' decent work activity.

Day 481

More programming in the afternoon. In the evening, between The Bill and Quantum Leap M came round with useful information about the sound card, some of which ties in with what I've already discovered. Always encouraging.

Day 480

Not been writing much recently, have I? Things've been pretty quiet. Seven weeks' abstinence completed today.

Day 479

Claudius' birthday. Did some programming. Massive success in the Lingfield Sunday meeting, made £19 profit from a £14 stake - 141% profit.