Day 1177

Enormous wait for the coach back, appalling traffic in Leyton High Rd, long journey back via M11 and A414. In future I might get the coach there and the train back.

Day 1176

Went into town for a coach ticket in the morning, came back and pottered around testing computer stuff, left at three.

Day 1175

Four years since the last 'official' day of term at Lowlands. Fiercely hot today; up early, got the back off the computer and fitted the scanner card, but try as I might I could not get the bloody thing to work. Even downloaded advice from the Logitech forum on Compuserve could not help.

T rang up in the afternoon to say D had returned and that there'd be a reunion at hers tomorrow. Went into town very fast to try for a coach ticket but the office had already closed, so enquired at the station instead (£12 there and back - ouch). Will go into town early tomorrow to see if I can get a coach ticket and to visit the building society for funds.
Gave D a ring to say I'd be coming, she said it'd make the occasion 'perfect'. It should be quite good.

Computer-wise a frustrating day but I did get Visual C++ installed (you can use it just as a C compiler if you wish).

Watched Blackadder Goes Forth - too much 'the ___est ___ since ___'.

Day 1174

Went into town for blank discs for backup purposes. New computer for my course arrived in the afternoon. Encarta very impressive (coverage a bit limited though). Used my free Compuserve trial, billed it to direct debit. £6.50 a month. Downloaded this afternoon's European satellite picture and some news about the betting on the Tory leadership from for practice.

On the latter, surely excessive right-wingery won't win them the next election? Surely people have had enough of all that nonsense? Let's hope so.

Day 1173

My parents kindly gave me the money to buy a new computer for my course. Went to the computer shop and ordered a 486dx4, 100 MHz, 8M RAM, 560MB hard disc, quad speed CD ROM, Sound Blaster, 28.8k modem - fantastic! Might even be able to get Visual C++. That hould really liven up the last 100 days of the Unemployed Era. But all the more reason to work very hard at Effolk.

Major has been challenged for the leadership by John Redwood, Romulan and arch-[referent still alive]. Can hardly decide which of them is worse. Wonder what'll happen?

Day 1172

Read the Australia book, the papers etc. Plodded on with the ANSI C; got rather bogged down with a Julian date question, might substitute the routines from my Pascal ephemeris as the thrust of the exercise is about modular programming, not learning about leap year calculations.

Day 1171

Went down to PC World to compare software prices.

Day 1170

Went to town, got a great book from the library about Australian convict settlements. Did some more ANSI C, finished the letter to T.

Douglas Hurd announced his retirement today - always found him almost likeable, a bit like Ted Heath. What is going to happen?

Day 1169

Copied out all the flower meanings from the book I bought for mum yesterday, stored them in dBase III.

M rang up about 8.15 and we went to the Cricketers. It's nice to have her back round here.

But the news of the day: at 5pm heard John Major's boring nasal voice stating he was resigning as Tory leader and would seek re-election! I reckon probably no-one will stand against him, unless some stalking-horse causes a lot of abstentions in the first round. It could be good or bad, I'm sure Tony Blair can find the right angle. Portillo is the obvious danger but my instinct is that the Tories have lost support by being too right-wing and not too left-wing, so he might not do them any favours. If only Major could be tricked into holding a general election.

Day 1168

Into town; got a shareware chess program from the library bank for C and the Wampum database for myself. Put £25 in the building society.

Resisted the temptation to make silent phone calls to ABC to mark getting sacked a year ago today. Perhaps now a year has passed I can forget it properly. It was a big knock to my self-esteem but it did (eventually) galvanise me into action Effolk-wise.

Carried on with ANSI C, made good progress.

Day 1167

Got a lot of ANSI C work done. Also wrote a directory lister for before or after a given date. Studying C certainly has improved my programming in it.

Day 1166

Into town, got a price list from the computer shop.

Day 1165

(Today.) Got a lift to Stratford. The coach was on time! The walk back from the bus station took the edge off the jittery paranoid mood I get the day after I've been really pissed.

I had a letter from Effolk about stating I can afford the course, so that's still all being prepared. 108 days till I start (15 weeks 3 days), must keep my activities as productive as possible.

Day 1164

(Sunday). On Saturday T stirred about 12.30. We went out shopping in the drizzle, to buy a SCART cable (on my recommendation) so she could copy videos.

In the evening we watched Sleepless in Seattle which ended very suddenly and had an annoying smart-arse kid in it; then Twilight Zone eps, then The Servant. I was prepared to enjoy it, as I love sixties stuff, and it was great.

Day 1163

(Sunday). On Friday: got all spruced up for the trip, found I had £5 left over and put it back in the building society. Got the coach. When I arrived T and her boyfriend had just started on a 24-pack of little bottles of Stella. We watched Pulp Fiction, or was it some other Quentin T. film?

Day 1162

Got a lift into town, renewed the Computer Science book. Did various bank stuff to replenish funds depleted by an order for the Psion 3 Link upgrade - unfortunately forgot to put a stamp on it. Sure they won't turn down an order though.

Walked back from town, had a rotten cold but passed the rest of the day well enough with ANSI C notes and fathers' day / birthday card production. That hard disc fault reappeared (twice) but I cured it in the end. Seems to be getting more frequent though.

Did a master chart of all the Dulchester connections and found I'd have to get up between 6am and 6.30 to get to the university by 9 am. And we used to complain about getting up at 7 am for morning seminars from Warble. Got to make sacrifices I suppose.

Day 1161

Borrowed mum's car and went up to Dulchester again to get my bearings. Parked on the campus, had a look round, went in the library again. Drove to the station and copied down the bus links. Then drove back into the town and sent postcards to Andrew Mainwaring and Liam Davis to thank them for doing the references. Stamps themed 'Time Travel', appropriately enough. Did some more C in the afternoon, got quite proud of my express-the-time-in-words program and incorporated it into my old date and time display prog.

Watched Blackadder Goes Forth (funnier than I remembered but badly wasting Percy and relying on strained jokes like people being called Cpt. Darling) and the Smashie & Nicey End of an Era.

Day 1160

Woke up with the unmistakeable signs of the annual chest infection. Went into town nevertheless. Looked in at the Jobcentre. If the ESF is a no-go, I can afford to get a job.

When I got back, made a doctor's appointment. Was delighted to get one for 2.15 today. Went, Went to the doctor's, got the antibiotics as usual. He was pleased I hadn't come about psychological stuff. When I mentioned Effolk he said he wished he could've prescribed it for me - I said (truthfully) I wished I'd applied for it when I first heard about it (3 years ago). He said not to worry and that we can't see everything at the time.

Did some Pascal, as DB had spoken highly of it in contrast to C. Also some more ANSI C.

The Effolk plan is becoming more and more real every day. I know well enough it's an expensive course with the purpose of work, but it doesn't mean there won't be landscapes and weather to chime with Lowlands (the view from the library being rather similar). I can find counterparts to 1988's golden autumn mornings, its grey winter dampness, red February sunsets from 1990, beautiful summer afternoons, spring thunderstorms...

Day 1159

Got to Dulchester about one, walked about 4 miles to the university, losing my way but luckily finding a bus stop with a map. Got there in the end though, met DB the course supervisor; we had a good discussion but he told me I couldn't get ESF, being over 25 (which the prospectus was printed too early to mention). Apart from this it went wel, he showed me round the labs and (at my request) to the library.
When he'd gone I had a fag and worried about bag checks. The Effolk campus bears a striking resemblance to Lowlands actually, in certain places it's exactly the same. That must be what brought the old worry back. However, I overcame it, determining to quash all such difficulties at the start this time, and had a good look round.

Got a bus straight back to the station, arrived home about five having walked 6 or 7 miles and very tired.

Did a bit more ANSI C in the evening, even though DB had told me general reading to see what 'turns me on' would be better.

Wonder what to do about the funding news. Maybe my parents would help.

The Effolk thing is my chance to make good the stupidities of certain events at Lowlands As it's a year rather than three I must make every day count for three days. Once again new horizons are opening up. This is the Jan. 20th '88 of this cycle. I can make a good thing out of this.

Day 1158

Did a lot of ANSI C work. In the afternoon borrowed mum's car and went to Dulchester to find where the station is for tomorrow; checked bus timetables.

Came back, transferred Out of this World eps with the SCART cable to put them all on the same tape.

Busy week ahead; Dulchester tomorrow, T's on Friday. And still lots of course preparation to do. All makes a change.

Day 1157

Worked hard on a superior version of my old PAGE text file print preview prog, quite successful in the end.

Did more ANSI C studying; in the afternoon went to Tandy's for gadgets - a DIN plug, and crocodile clips and a battery box for easier experimentation. Listened to the Derby; Tamore, which I'd got C to put 50p e/w on, came 2nd at 9-1 and almost won, so I should get about £1 - that's the first bet I've had that's paid out.

The Pirates Are Coming, that triffic R4 play about the two pairs of brothers and sisters, was on in the evening, gave it a thorough listen.

Me and T didn't get a single lottery number.

Day 1156

Had a letter from Effolk; I meet the bloke for discussions at 2pm Monday. Checked trains in town, deliberately went out to spend £5 I had free (saving and never spending makes you lose sight of the goal).

Went down to the Cricketers with M and E. it's nice to feel part of something again.

Day 1155

Very cold for the time of year. Watched a very good Quantum Leap, the end of the first series I suspect, with Sam and Al swapping places and Sam making a brief return to September 18th 1999.

Worked very hard on the C book again. Wish Effolk would reply about discussing the course.

Day 1154

Damp day. Went into town after cashing an enhanced Giro for £93 - nearly £20 extra per fortnight. Got a coach ticket for next weekend's trip to T's. Went to the building society. to pay in £25 - my regular intention from now on (for the 8 Giros before Effolk).

Carried on working through the C book. There was a fantastic and very moving episode of Star Trek: TNG called The Inner Light. Picard was attacked by a space probe and 'dreamt' 35 years of life on this drought-stricken planet in 25 minutes. The idea that the probe had been launched to preserve (somewhere) the memory of the people who died out a thousand years before, and the swift falling and rising of the generations. In a different way it was as good as Who Watches The Watchers? (the Mintaka planet one).

Day 1153

One year since I started that short-lived job at ABC. Well, at last (at least?) I've found something positive to replace it, if you see what I mean. Only 120 days to go. Worked very hard at the CS and ANSI C exercises, and came up with a theory; what I have been missing is mental effort. It's been a long time since I sat down and really tried to work something out, like that iterative Towers of Hanoi solution.
Physical effort by itself is no cure for anxiety, you need mental effort - which is why ABC didn't de-anxietise me, it was just pushing paper, on a level with painting or mowing the lawn. If you don't take physical exercise you get unfit and weak; if you get no mental exercise the same thing happens to your mind. Interesting too how mental exercise has made me physically tired the last two days.

Are we getting an echo of Summer 1988 here? Watched The Bill and Castles, the latter just holding my attention.

Day 1152

No trouble at the jobcentre as everyone co-operated to find out whose turn was next..

Did more of the CS exercises, working out the algorithms on my Psion. Found it quite interesting - the sort of stuff I wouldn't bother with normally.

Rang T during dinner to point out the lottery had rolled over (making it a value bet). She agreed to carry on the syndicate and I acted as agent. Analysed previous draws, found 17 had come up 7 times out of 26, for example.

Felt rather tired in the evening, probably all that mental effort earlier.

Also a bit wheezy. Air quality must be poor again.

Day 1151

Did some Computer Science exercises; challenging, interesting stuff about prime numbers. Nice to have a sense of purpose again - it's the seed of a big change for the better.

Played chess with Carl, got beaten in about 10 moves.

In exactly four months I start at Effolk. Four months ago I hadn't even had that conversation with T that led to the brochure request (prospectus sorry). So things are improving at last.

Day 1150

Rained most of the day today. Scanned some Roy of the Rovers frames for C to put humourous captions on. Not much scanner trouble.

Wilton Books rang up to say ANSI C had arrived: went and collected it. First course expenditure: £20. Put more old catalogues in the recycler.

The C book was very good and seems to've reinforced the desire to go and get on with things I've been feeling. It's odd, but thinking about it, since last September and particularly this Spring I've been rather anxious and worried, but over exactly the same time I've taken many steps to improve my situation, which've already borne fruit. Why then the anxiety? Is it a response to an albeit positive massive change? It can't be vice versa because the changes I've made, I've contemplated for years.

The way I see it there is no cure for anxiety except removing the cause, or changing one's attitude to it, or forgetting about it. 'Forget it all for an instant' as I've been telling myself (adapting a phrase from the lottery ad campaign).

Another thing to be conquered is the 'Oh no, it's been going on for ages' syndrome, where you remember only the troughs and never the peaks. And it's bollocks; read through this diary, you'll find a lot of worry but no desperation. Nor should there be..

Day 1149

Got the new Viz. Did some scanning. in the afternoon started doing the exercises in the computer science book, thus starting the course work 4 months 2 days early.

Finished the letter to T (8 pages narrow lines), posted it.

Day 1148

Went into town (library, Jobcentre), came back and tested the video copying kit which arrived this morning. Had success but only in one direction. Now we can sort out some of the more congested tapes.

Carried on writing a very long letter to T, considering her Roman Republic idea which I took the trouble to read up on from the encyclopædia.

Put the rest of the main 9 Out of this World eps onto audio tape. They work quite well, especially if you've seen them as often as I have, though you have to put up with banging doors and suchlike.

Watched Men Behaving Badly, the new series.