Day 1150

Rained most of the day today. Scanned some Roy of the Rovers frames for C to put humourous captions on. Not much scanner trouble.

Wilton Books rang up to say ANSI C had arrived: went and collected it. First course expenditure: £20. Put more old catalogues in the recycler.

The C book was very good and seems to've reinforced the desire to go and get on with things I've been feeling. It's odd, but thinking about it, since last September and particularly this Spring I've been rather anxious and worried, but over exactly the same time I've taken many steps to improve my situation, which've already borne fruit. Why then the anxiety? Is it a response to an albeit positive massive change? It can't be vice versa because the changes I've made, I've contemplated for years.

The way I see it there is no cure for anxiety except removing the cause, or changing one's attitude to it, or forgetting about it. 'Forget it all for an instant' as I've been telling myself (adapting a phrase from the lottery ad campaign).

Another thing to be conquered is the 'Oh no, it's been going on for ages' syndrome, where you remember only the troughs and never the peaks. And it's bollocks; read through this diary, you'll find a lot of worry but no desperation. Nor should there be..