Day 504

Cold better - coagulation. Up at about 8 am, passed a long morning typing in a program from an old Your Computer.

A letter came from Prof. F this morning, I haven't had the courage to open it yet in case it's a piss-off letter like I'm used to getting these days. I tell you, while the great abstinence (73 days) has improved a lot of things, it's brought out a load of things drink let me ignore.

I reckon I've got another 12 months at most before things get intolerable. But what can I do? I'm back where I started 5 years ago but this time there isn't a way (like uni was) to avoid taking tough actions. But what should I do? I tell you one thing, things are bloody hard to get, even when they seem to come easily. Or rather they're near-impossible to hold onto: happiness, carousing, money, academic success - I've had all those things in the last five years and lost them all.

Easy come, easy go? Could be. It seems to be the things that are hardest to get are the easiest to hold onto, in a way. Ah well.