Day 1224

Dreamt that my brother had invited Gerry Adams and Martin McGuinness round, and G.A. reacted badly to a facetious remark of mine; then I heard them all talking about me behind my back. It was terrible.

New green carpet laid in the afternoon. With the yellow walls it's quite a transformation.

Fish & chips for tea owing to general disorganisation; forgot to watch Star Trek TNG.

In a way this decorating has been helpfully symbolic of the transformation I hope to achieve from being unemployed to being a top computer studies student. I know the concept is so strange as hardly to be believable, but seven years ago (the A-level results come out tomorrow, so it must be the weekday equivalent of when I got my results on Aug. 19 1988) I didn't know what to expect either at Lowlands.

I've also thought of why I'm so afraid of being contradicted by tragic irony whenever I start feeling happy: just before the end of ABC last year I made some ill-fated remark to W about having settled in enough to feel OK about joining in their [standard-issue office] innuendo. It must have been the last thing I said there (apart from 'No') because I got sacked about 2 minutes later, if that. What an experience eh, and enough to make anyone feel in fear of sudden unpleasantness. Now I can view it with a certain degree of equanimity, but it wasn't pleasant.

Wonder where T is btw - she never replied to my fax last Monday and I haven't heard from her for ages. Ah well.