Day 1075

Woke up feeling cold and shivery, went to the library. Had to pay £3 in fines for that scanner book! The price of honesty. Considering the hundreds of books I've had out I suppose it's not too bad.

But I made a great discovery! Or a number of them. First, that the cold/shivery stuff is a symptom of the drug I'm on - which is histamine, not anti-histamine. Second, found a triffic book about anxiety and fear of fear, the thrust of which was that anxiety can't be dealt with by blocking it out but it must be faced, and that you must think differently when anxious and realise that mounting panic never will actually cause what you fear. As I discovered on Friday night. It's a bluff.

Amazingly this worked. Nothing succeeds like success and despite momentary worries my new positive calm prevailed. This isn't like Thursday when I was really holding off anxiety by trying very hard not to think about things. This time it's positive. Even Game On could not depress me. Finished the Jennings books.